My name is Paul and I am compulsive gambler,
it has been 40 days since my last bet. Forty
days ago I didn't realize I was a compulsive
gambler; however; when I was confronted by
my employer for embezzling it finally "hit"
me that I am and will always be a compulsive
gambler. I am currently attending and will
attend (for as long as I am "legally"
allowed) Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I have
lost a great career (incidentally in the
Gaming business), I am in the process of
losing everything that I have worked for
with the exception of my wife and two
children. My father hasn't spoken to me
since this all occurred and my older sister
will do anything to help my wife and
children but she wants nothing to do with me
and I can not blame her.
My wife, mother, step father, younger
sister, mother-in-law and some very special
friends have showed tremendous support and
without this support I am not sure what I
would have done. I have spent five days in
jail and I am looking at some serious issues
in my future. I cannot change the past and I
cannot predict what will happen in the
future I can only take things one day at a
time.
If someone told me 27 years ago when I made
my first wager that when you are 39 years
old you will lose everything and be in place
where there are no freedoms. I would have
told them that they were crazy because I am
an intelligent person and I can "control" my
gambling. The fact of the matter is the
gambling took over my life and ruined it and
ruined the lives of my family. It is an
insidious addiction, you do things that no
rational person would do. You don't think of
the consequences and I am here to tell
anyone that will listen that there are
serious consequences for all of my horrible
actions.
I threw away a great life so I could always
be in "action". Having worked in the Gaming
Industry for 13 years I wouldn't dare go
near a slot machine or a table game. My game
of choice was sports betting because I knew
(or I thought I knew) that sports betting
had the lowest house percentage so I stood a
chance to win. However; winning and losing
became superfluous it only mattered whether
I had action. Of course I lost a great deal
more than I won so I had to fuel the
addiction with money and addicts will do
anything to get their fix and I did anything
and everything to perpetuate my fantasy
life. This all came to an end 40 days ago.
I have no desire to make a wager but I do
understand that this is a disease and it
will be with me all of my life. Gamblers
Anonymous has helped a great deal and having
a sponsor that went through a similar
situation 14 years ago also helps. Right now
there is a tunnel ahead and it is very dark
but with the Grace of God, my family and my
friends I will get through this. I keep
thinking of my 7 year old daughter and 4
year old son and I want to see them grow up
because I love them more than anything in
the world.
You can read Paul's
blog at
http://compulsivegambler.blogspot.com/
